5 Essentials For College Success

Sadly for you and I, neither of our names are Bill Gates or Steve Jobs, so we will have to actually stay in college if we ever hope to amount to much, seeing that we aren’t geniuses with stupidly innovative ideas.

There are a few tips, though, which can help you become a baller in college and find success not only during those four years but after you graduate as well (unless you drop out early because you’re about to make millions, in which case you’re already a baller).

1 – Network 

By network I don’t mean establish the next social network and take down Zuckerberg (which I wouldn’t mind seeing), but rather, make friends and get to know people, even if you don’t want to hangout with them on a weekend.

Too many students go through their time in college without making many friends, let alone ones that last beyond the current semester. I understand that some people are nervous or just kind of awkward socially, but you need to take advantage of the four years you have to learn how to get out of that mindset.

I always hear the phrase “It’s not what you know, but who you know” and that couldn’t be more on point; you can be a moron but if you know someone who knows someone, you can get pretty far in life.  You can even try using dating apps like just date or bumble to grow your network – trust me ladies, this works.

Take your time in college to make friends and try your best to get yourself out of your comfort zone; when you’re an adult you’ll be forced into going to events or talking to people you won’t want communicate with, but if you know how to be friendly and engage people you’ll show your peers how great of a leader or boss you are (or could be).

There’s a decent chance that in your adult life you’ll come across an old classmate from college in your career, and having a connection with them could lead to business ventures of some kind; maybe you work at a company that could use their resources or they have a tip on a job opening that you’ve been eyeing.

Making friends in college isn’t just helpful in the future, but they can help you relax and enjoy the time you have together. If your classes are getting to you, go hang with your buddies and chill for a while, stress-free.

2 – Booze 

Yeah, you’re gonna need a lot booze to make it through the next four years. Too much booze, though, and you might be there for five years (not that there’s anything wrong with that *Jerry Seinfeld voice*).

It’s a given, really. Who in college isn’t getting turnt all the time?

If you want to survive college with your sanity intact, you’ll need to get weird pretty often. Showing up to your 8 am lecture still drunk from the night before isn’t admonished but still isn’t great thinking on your part.

Investing in booze may not seem great in the long run, but you’ll realize how much it’s done for you once you graduate and wonder how the hell you got through the last four years.

3 – Sex 

Just like alcohol, sex is necessary if you want to maintain your sanity during college.

Have a project due next week and your group partners totally suck, stressing you out? Hit up your friend with benefits and have them help you release all of that built up stress.

Now that you’re feeling a bit better, you’re ready to tackle that project and do a huge chunk of it yourself since your teacher assigned you the stupidest people in the entire class. Sex can do amazing things, and making you a ballin’ essay writer is one of those things.

4 – Netflix 

We’ve all had that moment where we’re about to go out with friends and someone bails, or we just get the feeling that it won’t be a fun night and decide to just stay in and watch a movie.

This is when Netflix comes in. It’s always a great night when you decide to stay in and catch up on a series you’ve started recently or you feel like reliving Piper’s first few seasons in jail.

For all we know, the night you decided to stay in to watch Sherlock or Peaky Blinders saved you from getting horribly blacked out or in a fight, or something altogether pretty shitty. Since you stayed in, you’ll be alive the next day and fully capable of finishing homework or wrapping up that essay (which is due in ten minutes via online submission).

You see, Netflix is an essential part of college, and will help you become successful during college and after, solely because you’re still alive to do things successfully. Can I get an ‘amen’?

5 – Teachers Who Don’t Use Bell Curves If you have a class where the teacher grades on a curve, you’re f*cked. You just are.

Even if you’re not an imbecile, you’ll still find it hard to pass that class because there is always one kid who gets a 98% on everything and screws everyone else over.

Those teachers who grade normally are the real MVP, though, damn… These sweet, kind-hearted people get it; they understand how life works- you get what you give.

If you earned an A all semester and worked your tail off, you, my good friend, deserve that A. You don’t deserve an 89.7; frankly, anything under a 90.00% would be complete and utter bullsh*t, and should be a crime to assign a lesser grade to you.

Those teachers that grade like normal human beings make the world go round. Teachers that use curves can go die in a rotten, fetid hole.

These five essentials will help you be successful in college, and will make it a very enjoyable experience, which is how most people view their days in college. Honestly, the only thing holding you back from being successful in college is you.

If you branch out and make friends, party a bit, have some sexy time, watch Netflix, and get teachers who don’t suck, you’ll be fine. Everyone in college is doing fine, and the only thing that can ruin it is you.

College is a time not only to learn things you’ll never use in your career, but you’ll learn a lot about yourself and other people. Your self awareness and ability to read people and interact with them will help you a lot in the real world, whether you’re at your job or on a date.

College is supposed to be about learning some stuff that will help you get a job, but it’s really just a time for you to learn about yourself and people around you. Have fun, make new friends, and come away from it all as a better version of you, and you’ll have found a lot of success in college.